I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
