Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
