dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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