U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
