why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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