Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
