how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
