but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
