In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
