either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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