I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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