I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
