I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
