ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
