So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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