I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
