How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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