TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
