Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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