I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
