I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
