can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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