On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
