the condom got lost in my hair
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
