He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
