just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize