Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
