I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
