yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
