Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
