Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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