it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
