Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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