hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
