not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
