she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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