Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
