Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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