I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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