You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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