Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
