I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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