Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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