tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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