Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
