I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
