I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
