Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
