Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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