I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
