well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
