I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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