In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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