five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
