I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
