And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
