do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
