So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
