While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You took a bar mat shot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
