You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
