Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
