she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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