sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
