STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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