I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
