About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
