The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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