tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
