if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
