dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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