now i know why i became what i already was.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
