You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
