4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
