I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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