When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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