Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
