Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
